He . . . gave me to understand that my own glory wouldn’t
be apparent to mortal eyes, that it would consist in
becoming a great Saint! . . . This desire might seem foolhardy
if one were to consider how weak and imperfect I was,
and how much I still am after seven years spent in the
religious life, but nonetheless I still feel the same audacious
confidence that I’ll become a great Saint. That’s because
I’m not counting on my merits, since I have none, but I
hope in the One who is Virtue and Holiness Itself.
—St. Thérèse of Lisieux*

When children are in the midst of full-blown temper tantrums, it’s hard to see them as saints in the making. Even our eldest, who never really went through the “terrible twos” (praise God!), still has her occasional meltdowns. These are not fun for anyone, and they’re not usually times when we think about loving God and helping our children become saints.

In one of her letters to her husband, St. Zélie Martin said of her three-year-old daughter, Thérèse, “I have to correct this poor baby, who goes into a terrible rage when things don’t go as she’d like. She rolls around on the floor like a desperate person, believing all is lost.”**

As much as we hate to admit it, tantrums are a normal part of childhood. A child’s brain is still growing and developing, meaning it’s nearly impossible for a child to react or respond to situations in the way adults do.

While this is not a parenting book, I have to share with you the biggest game-changer in parenting for our family. When our kids are melting down, no matter the reason, we hug them.

If our little Anthony is screaming, hitting his sisters, and throwing toys, and he seems inconsolable, I kneel down, hug him, and tell him I love him. When we can step away from the conflict for a moment, he can tell me, “Momma, I’m so frustrated. Gigi knocked down my tower!” and we can calmly address the situation.

There have been a few occasions when Gianna was completely melting down for what seemed like no reason. After hugging her and asking some questions, we discovered that the source of the frustration was hunger or thirst or the need to go to the bathroom. Who would have thought? Yes, she could have simply told me she needed to go to the bathroom, but anyone who has kids knows it’s not always that easy.

When we started taking this approach, we found that our kids’ tantrums subsided almost immediately. Our kids recognized that we loved them and were there for them. Who doesn’t love a good hug when things have gone sour?

We also started asking St. Thérèse to help us through the tantrums. This simple prayer that we can say in the midst of conflict and strong emotions allows children to experience firsthand the
benefit of the intercession of the saints.

Yes, dealing with tantrums is hard. I’ve had to overcome my inclination to yell and punish my kids. And I’ve messed up and yelled.

But we love our kids so much, don’t we? We desire their holiness. We desire a good relationship with them. Most of us need a little help overcoming our own vices so we can help our children
grow in virtue.

St. Thérèse’s parents loved her through her tantrums, and we can love our kids through theirs too. Let’s ask St. Thérèse of Lisieux to remind us of our call to love God in the small ways of parenting.

Let us pray:

St. Thérèse, you know well the ups and downs of family
life. You know that families are not perfect and that we
sometimes resort to yelling and fighting. You also know that
the family is the school of love, in which we learn charity,
forgiveness, and self-control. Help me in the midst of this
trial. Show me how to love God through my child. Help me
to be patient, gentle, and compassionate. May this tantrum
bring my child and me one step closer to Heaven. Amen.

And a shorter prayer you can memorize and pray often:

St. Thérèse, show me how to love God through my child.
Help me to be patient, gentle, and compassionate. Amen.

This article is excerpted from “The Prayer Book for Tired Parents: Practical Ways to Grow in Love of God and Get Your Family to Heaven” (c) 2022 David and Debbie Cowden. Please only reproduce with permission.

*Quoted in The Complete Thérèse of Lisieux (Brewster, MA: Paraclete Press, 2009), 59.
**A Call to Deeper Love, Letter 147.